Coronation Street – Episode Review – Wednesday 8 January 2014 – 7.30pm

Michelle insincerely apologises to Steve for not being pregnant and suggests he consider a vasectomy. Lloyd and Eileen predictably enjoy mocking him over “the big V”, with Eileen telling him, “the sticky notes just last twice as long” as she cuts them in half with her scissors. Apt adjectives abound for “snippy” Steve, and even though Andrea chides Eileen and Lloyd, she joins in with a “chop chop” of her own. However, unlike the teasing twosome, she knows when to stop. “Joking aside”, she tells him, “if you don’t want this, you’ve got to say so”.

Bolstered by her advice, he tells Michelle that he doesn’t want a vasectomy. Her response is more appropriate to an angry school teacher than his partner. She demonstrates the ultimate in hypocrisy by not only being furious at Steve for confiding in friends (particularly Andrea) when she did the same, but criticising him for taking a definitive stance when her position was non-negotiable from the outset. She can’t even appreciate Steve’s brilliant response, “it’s vasecto-me, not vasecto-you”, and physically pushes him out of the way as she storms off. Her treatment of Steve is completely unacceptable, and she makes Andrea appear more wonderful by the half hour.

Marcus and Maria discuss children, and both agree that they’re not ready, but would love to buy a house of their own.

Roy embarks on a mission to get the one thing Hayley wants; strawberries. As she eats them, Anna delights in declaring “the lady from Del Monte, she said yes.”

David and Kylie have deliberately left their list of Gail’s pros and cons lying around for her to find. Considering her recent championing of the couple, Gail should be devastated by such a discovery, but merely appears put out. Audrey disagrees that it’s character assassination and seems to enjoy the whole business. Gail’s spagbol apparently tastes like dog food, but instead of being disgusted with the culprits, Audrey observes, “you have been known to overseason”.

With “easy to con” on the cons list, Audrey admires the wordplay, but shouldn’t this appear on their list of Gail’s pros considering how unscrupulous they are? Gail’s response is to make her own list. The couple giggle over their cons which reveal they think the whole house is their bedroom, Kylie is incapable of coordinating, eats noisily and can’t use an oven, while David can’t wear his jeans properly and walks like an orang-utan. Considering the nasty character traits and deeds exemplified by both, is that really the best Gail could come up with? Perhaps she should add “forgetful” to her own list of cons. “I guess she does have a sense of humour after all” quips David in a happy ending worthy of the worst kind of sitcom. These scenes had a jarring effect. Considering recent events, it’s difficult to see how both Gail and Audrey could take this so lightly. Further, the list was made up with the serious intention of evicting Gail and yet David and Kylie now appear to see it as a mere source of amusement.

Tina is confident there’s a chance that Peter will choose her, but worldly-wise Liz is not convinced, telling her that “blokes and ultimatums never mix”. Liz is proven right when Tina asks him if she should stay or go, and he plumps for the latter, telling her he doesn’t love her. “You best not keep the boss waiting” snipes a tearful Tina. Without revealing her intentions to a perturbed Gary and Izzy, she says an emotional farewell to baby Jake. When Liz arrives at her flat and sees her bags packed, she says she could swing for Peter Barlow through tears of anger and sadness. Liz offers her money, but all that Tina asks is that she let everyone know about her departure, including Rita who she can’t face. After everything Rita has done for her, she at least owes her this much, and yet departs without bidding her farewell. She sees Carla and Peter embark on a 5 star spa break before getting in a taxi. “Are you okay love?” asks the driver as she leaves the street. “No, but I will be” is the response and there’s no reason to doubt her.